There are some good things to look back at this weekend; I just want to write them down so I don't forget them either.
Most of you know that my grandma recently died. While it is never easy for anyone to lose a close relative, for some reason this one hit me especially hard. It could be many things about her and it could have been partly my state of mind but whatever it was, I hadn't been having a really good time as of late. I am sure those people I was around noticed and my students definitely did. I was facing some pretty hard depression there for a bit and I had lost all my happy thoughts. The concert was a nightmare for me; not because the kids had done a bad job (far from it) but because I couldn't find any joy at the completion of the songs.
I had been struggling since the day I sat by her side as she drew that last breath and I couldn't find a light at the end of the tunnel. Every day was cloudy and there was always rain. And Friday started no different than any of the other days. (I realize that there wasn't really clouds or rain but sometimes your frame of mind can make it that way). I had an ok 1st period and a bad 3rd period (the kids were not well behaved).
6th period rolls around and the kids had been unfocused ever since Halloween. I don't mind if they day after the concert they are unfocused because I push them hard right before and they deserve a small break. But it lasted Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday as well and I had to give them a tongue lashing as a result.
The first spark hit that 6th period on Friday. They were focused. Boy were they ever focused. I had my band back; the one that I love to conduct. We got some work done and had some fun too and that is all I ever want every day for my band during rehearsals. 7th period as good as well, the kids were working so hard and doing their best and there were even some break throughs musically to be proud of.
Friday night is seminar at Jackpot Junction. I am by myself from Sleepy Eye and I went in not really caring. I figured I would sit by myself, learn some stuff, go up to my room and just chill. But instead I get to sitting by some other people that seem pretty cool and we went out after the seminar was done and had a drink and got to know each other. It was fun.
Saturday isn't sleeping in (more seminars) but that is ok too. Then off to play practice where we get done a little early and I come home and take another shower. Tangent: I don't like seminars at casinos because they still allow smoking and then you come home smelling like crazy and you have to take a shower to be presentable to people around you. Fish Frye, my favorite local band is playing.
I got to the Grand early (where they were playing) and I sat with a glass of wine and just looked around. There was something in the air that night for me. The clouds had finally started to pull back and I could see some sun. I wish I had brought a notebook to the Grand because I felt like writing my feelings while I waited for my friends to arrive. It was really nice there. I had a good server and some nice wine and I was going to get to hear some good music.
Fish Frye was amazing as always. I love their shows. When they do arrangements there is a good chance I prefer their arrangement to the real thing and since they always do a song for me (Pinball Wizard) because they know I love it I always feel special and I will always keep a special place for them in my heart.
Sunday (today) sleeping in for the first time in months. Pit Orchestra where Lauren made me smile all afternoon (and evening even though we were done) and Nate and I got to talk music (one of my favorite things to do in the world right now is to talk to Nate. He always has good things to say).
Then stars in the sky as I drove home and here I am.
Grandma, I still miss you and I still get tears in my eyes sometimes when I think of you. But finally this weekend, with the help of some great people, I was able to smile (I mean really smile not the fake ones I had been putting on for the last couple weeks) and enjoy life a little bit again.
Thank you to all of you who helped make this weekend good for me again. Scholls, Berans, Christmans, and Lauren. (p.s. Lauren I read your pie blog this weekend and that helped too!)