Tuesday, November 16, 2010

the cliff and the void

            It is getting late; I should be going soon.  Yet I cannot pull myself away.  I am on the threshold once again and I have to decide if I will jump into the void or stay safe on the cliff.  It isn’t like this cliff is made of unstable material.  My life has been built on this cliff in many ways and there is a foundation that can equate success if I continue to firm up the foundation.  Yet the void lingers.  I have not forgotten that void; there is something about the darkness that beckons to us all.  I stare into the darkness and it is cold, yet in that coldness is a familiarity that is welcome.  It is okay if I don’t always feel warm.  Sometimes the cold is what I want.
            The cliff became smaller for a while.  Or perhaps it is that I just forgot how far down it went.  If you look at the other side you start to see flat land and you forget that there is a steep drop.  I often sit and look at that safe side; confident that I am secure in my comfortable bed and my well lit rooms.  I don’t bother to look out the back; I know what is out there and I don’t want to risk what I have gained.
            Yet there are times like tonight that I am drawn to the cliff once again.  I ponder the jump and the dark.  I long to see if the void is a deep as it always was and if I can get lost in it once again.  There is a power to it that you don’t find on the safe side.  The free fall that gives you a queer sense of purpose.  You forget that there is sleep to be had and food to be consumed and an adult life to be had.  You see the thrill ride and the night time and when you are a creature of the night you never get scared.  Unless you look back to the safe side again……

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